spiral staircase up a pyramid

what is what it shouldn't be,
is what it should be.

what is addiction when
your priorities are set straight?
placing more in the shouldn't,
and less in the should.

it takes a real friendship to show you
that you don't actually need friendships.

who are you to act in
a way that isn't you?
you, of course.
just to fit in or to please,
but is there anything wrong with that?
maybe the 'you' right now isn't really
the real 'you',
and by not being the 'you' for right now,
you become that 'you' you've been searching for.
whatever makes you happy,
or whatever fills you, that's better said.
cause after a long day of being 'you',
you're still searching for who 'you' are.

is it intimidating,
or is he intimidating?
cause the look is just him being him
and him being no one else.
with masks off,
its 'come what may',
if you laugh, he laughs cause its funny;
he acknowledges the humor in it,
and finds temporary relief.
that doesn't mean he is happy though,
or that he is isn't happy,
its just 'come what may'.
smiling, how complex can that get?
if he sees something worth smiling at,
he smiles.
if he doesn't smile,
its not cause he isn't happy,
its also not cause he is happy,
its just 'come what may'.

'how are you?'
a completely pointless question in public.

i'm bored of this,
but its the easiest thing to come by.

this is not sorrow, this is me.

it was bound to happen,
not everything gets better with age,
even with aging cheese,
you forget where you placed it.

we say we are completely honest when we aren't,
'cause we honestly do not want to hurt you.

would it be better to look through your eyes
but judge with my own mind?
maybe it would be better,
cause your words are like the present,
and like the present,
its alone without the past or future.

you pass me your smile,
and i guess its all too common for you,
but that's why i can't smile back,
when your common forgets the different,
and treats it as an equal,
that's when you pull out another brick.

i guess i'm just ignorant,
or maybe a fool in denial,
but i'm beginning to accept it,
that under the light of everything,
i would one day just
pack up, get up and go.
and the beautiful thing is that
when i do so,
i won't hurt that much anymore,
i'll just take with me my scars.
truth be told, the hurt is going already;
i guess the different is still treated equal, eh?

you don't see beauty without some sacrifices,
sometime you have to make sacrifices in advance,
and sometimes sacrifices reap no benefits, period;
then you wonder why it all doesn't happen to you,
maybe the sacrifices were just plain unnecessary.
well, i dare you to stop doing anything.
maybe when you stop pushing so hard,
you can feel them push back.

'soft words are pillows for hurts' :

well, if that was all it took;
we wouldn't need each other now, would we?
i can write sappy notes to myself,
thank you very much.

i'm not hiding my needs,
one of them involves having you find out what they are.

don't bother asking,
'cause i'm not telling,
if you feel a slight something tugging at you,
then you know where you stand.

you decide who is important to you,
at your deathbed,
the millions who see you with your mask on,
or that one person who took it off.

if i know it,
but don't see, hear or feel it,
does it still make it real?
i guess so.
i'm just seeing it through
a different set of eyes.

'let me rest'

Its a little to late to say 'Hello'

leave it to plain judgement,
the simpler form of analyzing.

its a matter of principle,
break it or change it,
don't look around for stares,
nobody would bother.

how short lived is that feeling
of happiness for another,
so how long do you want to
pretend that it all still matters?

i look at you knowing
that you are looking at me,
too bad the better approach would be
to stare without acknowledgment.

when you are done ignoring the fact
that you are that ugly creature,
you would see that the others,
with that craved up look on their faces,
are just waiting for you
to tell them that its alright to be ugly,
cause you have found relief,
in that 'unacceptable' truth,
that thinking differently or away from the majority 'good',
is a sign that you are meant for murder or corruption,
when you know it, and feel it,
that finally,
i'm free.


was it you singing that oh so sweet melody?
no?
thank you...

Tying Heart Strings

temporal

how good it is to be forgotten,
and to actually be forgotten,
than be forgotten,
after words of comfort.

there's a reason to why we live
usually not pass a 100,
anymore would increase the likelihood
of us breaking the ones who are yet to speak.

situational errors,
do you want to call it that?
rather,
glimpse of clarity.

'just waiting to see when it won't come'
why?
cause thinking that it is coming,
makes you forget that we scream at each other.

'let me rest'
is not answered with 'alright'
its better answered,
'let me take over'.

'Trust Me'

The Fray

If I say who I know it just goes to show
You need me less than I need you
Take it from me
We don't give sympathy
You can trust me trust nobody
But I said you and me
We don't have honesty
The things we don't want to speak
I'll try to get out but I never will
Traffic is perfectly still

its like noon passing over,
sunlight that burns my skin.

transient

Arrested Sundown

its been a long day,
and if it all goes well,
the blessings would stay,
and the pains would too.

'i'm not emo'

its a wonder how we can be ignorant
to the actions around us that heals or builds...
I'm not saying those close to us,
or those we see day in and day out.
I mean those who appear once
and never again,
or those who are new additions.
its amazing what small gestures from complete
strangers can do to your life.
acceptance and self-esteem,
and we can't even remember their names after sometime.

attachment without actually getting close,
always with the introduction of something new...
its like looking through a window at a puppy,
the blind joy of love without possession,
that itself is blind, or probably brain dead...
but its a nice feeling,
that transient moment which allows
for 'if's and 'maybe's,
its like a temporary painkiller.

prayer for the heart,
teaches it obedience...

haven't you ever wondered what small gestures
you have given that could have influenced a life?
superficial conversations, a simple smile...
yeah, i laughed at that thought too...
past tense...

--------------------------------------------------------

you probably don't know what you did,
you probably will never find out.
you probably forgotten what you said,
you probably forgotten what i looked like.
you probably forgotten the entire incident,
you probably placed me in the forgotten trash.
but i remembered what you did clearly,
i remembered those small gestures.
i remembered what you said,
i remembered what you looked like.
i remembered the flow of the incident,
i remember you.

---------------------------------------------------------------

white polka dots on a red canvas,
an answer to a prayer much needed.
short lived with the complexity,
there i find acceptance and rejection.
esteem on a roller coaster,
who knew.

---------------------------------------------------------------

when you're looking for the sun when day breaks,
look towards the east.
when you're looking for a friend when you get lost,
look for me, i'll show you my Friend.

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a play of mind,
where a related numbness is found,
disappearance make its appearance,
take my hand, would you let me share?
i'll try to bother,
even if it may be one sided.

------------------------------------------------------------

you taught me that falling without attachment,
is not falling after all,
a placebo when blindfolded,
i see now.

fire for my warmth,
my needs misunderstood,
but the extra heat helps me
recall my blessings.

Thank You God