Drag Along Burden

Perspective is subjective when subjected to perception

2010-04-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

where are you, enclosed space?
where traces were lost in tides,
where colour was naïve,
where silence was no more but true to itself.

mislead me o vanity,
or maybe the neighbor beside true blue,
you don't stereotype, giving is in your blood.
how kind of you.

deprived aren't you now,
the growing end with the occasional darling,
blatant lies of postcard views,
a wishing well of open ends,
but she will come visit one day,
you are after all, the charming Self.

'I've not seen you in awhile.
my disappearance, thank goodness'

Its getting old you messed up soul

2010-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Collectively,
dire heat and noisome fumes,
bleached off those bloody tiles,
or from what that doesn't matter.

Collectively,
a scheduled try and routine bless,
was an effort that preached waste,
on waste.

Collectively,
that warm tea and sidelined scone,
drew up sleepless afternoons
with a moldy finish.

Collectively,
those nights with Orion and dampered reeds,
laid out a spread for the hungry,
and poisoned the greedy.

you lonely constellation,
their views scarred you.

Open Circle

2010-03-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

snake and ladders,
your bite, a poison cascade,
your steps, a mirror masked maze,
roll for the little blue piece,
try for 1, an obvious none
try for 2, as a witch would do,
try for 3, as if I'll never see,
try for 4, mimic evermore,
try for 5, those makeshift lies,
try for 6, a malevolent mix,
ironically,
I can't find the dice.

Silicon Dinners and Crusty Platters

2010-02-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

Faces without visages,
clean slate,
piqued surface,
cleared of entrails.

She's someone else's wife,
my dear who butchered me.

Tick tock you useless clock,
tick away your rusting hands.
Tick tock you useless clock,
tick away those gold freckled foliage.
Tick tock you useless clock,
tick away at your crumbling exterior.
Tick tock you useless clock,
tick away at my personal mock.

-------------------------------------------

I feel through observations,
I relate through taking notice,
I embrace through understanding,
I receive through experience.

I experience without observation,
I understand without noticing,
I relate without embracing,
I feel without receiving.

I observe, I just don't receive,
I notice, I just don't embrace,
I understand, I just don't relate,
I experience, I just don't feel.

I am aesthetic, as much as I am apathetic

Ineffective Since Acquaintance

2010-01-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

The embedded welkin,
the demilune, my nexus,
the disheveled entities,my standing,
shifting sentiments,
rearranged favor,
my thoughts, your voice.

plaintive reenacted,
sober mess,
definite malevolent,
'cause you're beautiful.

carry my standards and blissfully die,
no bloody noses or broken bones,
no tainted loses or crippled woes,
no torn up letters or darkened poems,
no spats on 'fair' or a piercing glare,
no withered roses or impartial love songs,
no more 'hellos' or a cordial smile,
just aerated 'what was' and trashed 'what ifs',
just absconded wails and beach side dives,
just watching the second's hand and evading gorges,
just peripheral actions and a misinformed heart,
just sautéed in disbelief and standing by with a wastrel's hat,
just goodbyes and 'I know you will not'.

for your blatant lies and deluded self effort,
for your thoughtless comments and mismanaged tongue,
for your take on hypocrisy and the obvious return,
for your pompous self worth and dead weight arrogance,
for your orchestrated behavior and flippant remarks,
for your smirks once the victor and once the better.

you remind me why I'm lonely,
you remind me further why I should stay alone,
you remind me further why I should stay away from loneliness,
you remind me further why I should avoid loneliness by being alone,
you remind me further why I shouldn't be alone to experience loneliness,
you remind me that loneliness is both isolation and isolation,
you remind me that isolating isolation breeds choice,
you remind me that an isolated choice on isolation gives way to an individual,
you remind me that an individual is subjected to subjective views,
you remind me that subjective views leads to self,
you remind me that self and loneliness are related,
you remind me that a lonely self is just a self undiscovered,
you remind me that an undiscovered self is waiting to be uncovered,
you remind me that uncovering one's self is a lonely route,
you remind me that lonely routes are those that I enjoy,
you remind me that lonely moments are enjoyable.

I'm 'you',
you're any,
'me','you', 'I' and 'they',
all are all.

all I can say is do your worst,
unconsciously of course.

Night is nigh

2009-11-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

bland finish to an array of inputs,
it's just tiresome dragging itself further,
fear is that drive, which shouldn't be,
scream for one night, 'cause two is too much.

kolan,
I wonder how deep it was meant for,
call it racism, but blame the generation,
what's perception when yours is theirs.

tears from another becomes a fragile nexus,
their sorrow awakens that subtle smile,
connotations of bliss from depression,
it's truly beautiful ugly,
to love the broken,
only when you're broken because of love.

abandon a child and he becomes independent,
abandon your emotions and you won't become.

cry murder in the sky,
black feathers, you're one to wonder.

Lifecycle

2009-11-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

5

Without another word,
You walked out of my life,
But it's ‘cause I let you walk out of my mind,
And I ain't missing you no more,
‘Cause the mind that missed you once,
is the same one that says goodbye.

The smaller pieces that once came together,
are now just fragments on the floor,
'cause the setting that I once envisioned
is just a hollow frame of bone,
There goes the start and progressing footprint,
But the end cannot be seen,
The ocean is just too vast to find our washed away steps,
To see how we would eventually part.

And I see the world as a shadowed labyrinth,
While you see it as a clock going 5 minutes too slow,
Days go by not longing to see the days go by,
You may still be beautiful on the inside,
But you're no longer beautiful to me.

Why is it that the past always look lovelier?
Could it be to make up for a messed up future?
There's no more need to rush to save us,
‘cause that would only help me to get over you.

I thought that I was careful enough,
But then you became the cliché that shouldn't have been.
To play the role in keeping your smile on,
And not smiling one myself,
Don't want to hear your faults without the action,
Or to hear those comforts that needs to be triggered.

And I see the world as a shadowed labyrinth,
While you see it as a clock going 5 minutes too slow,
Days go by not longing to see the days go by,
You may still be beautiful on the inside,
But you're no longer beautiful to me.

Even if it takes awhile, I'll wait right here until I see that smile

2009-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

♥
-Saosin, Cold, Eve 6, Shawn Mullins, Rascall Flatts-

We speak in different voices
When fighting with the ones we've loved
We speak in different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of

Kind of like the waves, that roll their whole life towards somewhere crashing on the shore
That's blown in by the wind, that carries the clouds to hide my wish on a fallen star

Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon

Everything's gonna be all right,
Rockabye, rockabye.
Everything's gonna be all right,
Rockabye, rockabye, rockabye

But here comes goodbye

2009-10-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

you

Purple Paragon

2009-10-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ever the same,
Varies with bits from the comforting routine,
Ending the day with a phone call,
Laying still so gently,
Yearning for a purpose,
Needless to say, i am blessed...

Time struts at its own pace,
Opening up doors and closing windows elsewhere,
However it was not, it sure is beautiful as it is.

Kept to make sure it would flourish,
Heaped on with a pile of cares,
Elevated in comfort,
Never a burden, always a blessing,
Given time and effort, this would last...

Let the trials and blissful seasons remind you,
It would take a whole lot more to break this bond,
Now all there is to do, is live, love, laugh...
-------------------------------------------------------
like memories repeating on a record,
you are treasured, all the way into the core.

the internet screams to the world,
the black album is filled with the needed intimacy,
you know the sentimentality it's meant for,
an open chest encased in its own world.

Happy Birthday my dear paragon,
loves.
<3

Sowing Ignorance

2009-10-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

Don't need this,
Can't not have that,
To those who share it,
I applaud you.

complain has yet to meet pathetic,
so, that won't happen.

Uninvited

2009-10-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

go on and face the world at its back,
it plays dirty anyway,
no matter which direction you're at,
it'll stab you in the back.
your fault,
its is sphere.

too much so Your face,
too little so Your voice,
we don't get it,
we don't not get it.

picture,
4 cents worth, none the richer;
now picture,
having half of 3, and a broken bit of 1;
story of my life.
so far, that is.

pretentious?
no.
tolerant?
still no.
sensible?
seems so.

Goodbye to you

2009-09-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

'Somewhere in Between'
-Lifehouse-

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

life's an odd thing to exist as

Ciao bella

2009-09-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

Smile
-Uncle Cracker-

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

----
you're the birds in the breeze,
the otters in the sea,
a prancing deer playing with the bees,
a burning candle on the soft sandy beach,
when you turn around i can see,
the dew on the leaves,
a bright ripe apple near a pine tree,
the dancing rays of the morning sun.
yeah, you should make me smile.

its all tailor made for us,
smile at those cloud formation,
'cause that's the closest way you're
going to get your smile to Him...

frowning requires energy,
smiling requires less,
as we are usually tired,
avoid the former and latter.

'that was a beautiful smile'
(everything can be done hypothetically)
'that would have been a beautiful smile'

my heart would smile with you,
but my kidneys has two to offer,
my intestine has the widest smile,
and my brain can smile in multiple languages.

Because we are hybrids

2009-09-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

It took me this long to find a smile such as yours,
it wasn't an easy one to come by, mind you...
i had to go through smiles of torment,
smiles of masked emotion,
smiles of my fair deceiver,
smiles that made happiness everything,
smiles that hurt in the dark,
smiles of the nonchalant,
smiles of the superficial enquirer,
smiles for a second chance,
and smiles before the chance is made third...
to look at you give it out so earnestly,
the smile that smiles,
one that shows the tear in your heart,
and the tear in your eye,
one that shows the cuts on your arm,
and the bruises after a fall,
one that shows the past repressions,
and the current temptations,
but your smile is yours,
because it smiles together with smiles that expresses,
an upstream swim when the current pushes you forward too fast,
a constant battle between the angels and demons of your own,
a desire to be found when you feel complete,
a road that is pointless, but is driven on for the destination's sake,
a smile that is yours, and yours alone...

let no one define you,
because there is no definition.

Buona notte, sogni dolce

2009-08-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

Kesempatan yang diambil,
maafkanku kerana menyakitimu,
tak akan terulang lagi,
terima kasih untuk segalanya.
-----------------------------------------------------
with relation to the resting stride,
I'm taking all of these failed attempts,
but failure also brings with it a lost of passion,
and you can't just bag that.

life just needs some sorting out, that's all.
there's nothing life won't give you to sort out life,
everything but a new life, and a do-over,
but that's just life.

life's like that...

sand dollars

2009-08-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

your concrete stare,
left behind my reluctance,
there will no longer be chasms half filled,
wall to wall, no avian escape,
bleak misery from the warmth of the sun,
in the cracks of the ocean bed,
a home from malevolent currents.

I need concurrent gestures
as much as I need a half driven pike,
tell me its a solar eclipse,
warn me that it will not be total,
but half and half is beautiful also.

on the one hand, you make me smile,
on the other hand, you carved it in.

you're like a heart attack
without the attack.

I'm in my own

2009-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

'I'm found in your embrace...'

---------------------------------

remind the sick why he is sick,
as the cure for the ill,
is a stand that is unwilling,
and a will that is unending.

remind the lost why he is lost,
as a map for the astray,
is bread crumbs to a point,
and a signal to beaten down paths.

remind the torn why he is torn,
as thread for a break,
is a stitch for lovelorn-ness,
and a cover for vulnerability.
--------------------------------

for each passer-by,
that holds a different interest,
a different relief,
and a different character,
brings with that person,
a similar process,
a similar situation,
and a similar outcome.
---------------------------------

I'm reminded,
that life reels back its line.
I'm reminded,
that life puts it back in.
---------------------------------

just grant me a glimpse,
'cause this is awesomely dreadful...
---------------------------------

'...rain down on me'

Rain Down
- Hillsongs -

p.s. hope you know you are cared for,
hope you know who you are.

these days

2009-07-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

maybe later,
or maybe never.

on a happier note,

maybe later,
or maybe never.

so simple its annoying,
so halved its apparently everything.

the stage is over there

2009-07-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

time after time,
so i'm just dreading to see,
what would become
of me you call 'free'.

why can't you see
that the best part of me,
is lost when i try,
and appears when you cry.

Someone Like You

2009-07-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Angel of Mine

Staring through the blinds,
where the world's end meets,
is done without incline,
for the heart to find its deed.

As dew, a crystal blanket,
so simple, so divine;
As you, beyond the loveliness,
that any man could find.

Looking past a postcard view,
I see you looking at me too,
a clove, a tree, a bird or two,
and the gem of all, I long for you.

As the past was broken,
and the present ever breaking,
they remind me of the loose ends,
that requires my mending.

And through blistering winds,
a face filled with sorrow,
will come a heaven sent,
to fill up my tomorrow.

The right to wait, a giving blessing,
as time allows for further healing,
for through this comes a better gift,
an exchange of love, of life, of bliss.

Night falls into shade,
winter to grey,
regardless of the scene,
for you, I will pray.

The sky that spies through the moon and the sun,
knows how to tell when the day has begun,
that we should know what needs to be done,
when we finally find she who's called 'The One'.

And I will be ready,
filled with His great love,
that when nearing completion,
I shall claim you, my dove.

And though I've yet to see your face,
a dazzling beauty I wish to embrace,
I'll wait for that time, one moment, one place,
for where in this lifetime, my love properly placed.

(angel, for I've yet to see you
but know that you are
out there somewhere)

'I Knew I Love You'
-Savage Garden-

a love cliche',
the worst kind,
but even when it is,
you tend to wonder.

spiral staircase up a pyramid

2009-06-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

what is what it shouldn't be,
is what it should be.

what is addiction when
your priorities are set straight?
placing more in the shouldn't,
and less in the should.

it takes a real friendship to show you
that you don't actually need friendships.

who are you to act in
a way that isn't you?
you, of course.
just to fit in or to please,
but is there anything wrong with that?
maybe the 'you' right now isn't really
the real 'you',
and by not being the 'you' for right now,
you become that 'you' you've been searching for.
whatever makes you happy,
or whatever fills you, that's better said.
cause after a long day of being 'you',
you're still searching for who 'you' are.

is it intimidating,
or is he intimidating?
cause the look is just him being him
and him being no one else.
with masks off,
its 'come what may',
if you laugh, he laughs cause its funny;
he acknowledges the humor in it,
and finds temporary relief.
that doesn't mean he is happy though,
or that he is isn't happy,
its just 'come what may'.
smiling, how complex can that get?
if he sees something worth smiling at,
he smiles.
if he doesn't smile,
its not cause he isn't happy,
its also not cause he is happy,
its just 'come what may'.

'how are you?'
a completely pointless question in public.

i'm bored of this,
but its the easiest thing to come by.

this is not sorrow, this is me.

2009-06-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

it was bound to happen,
not everything gets better with age,
even with aging cheese,
you forget where you placed it.

we say we are completely honest when we aren't,
'cause we honestly do not want to hurt you.

would it be better to look through your eyes
but judge with my own mind?
maybe it would be better,
cause your words are like the present,
and like the present,
its alone without the past or future.

you pass me your smile,
and i guess its all too common for you,
but that's why i can't smile back,
when your common forgets the different,
and treats it as an equal,
that's when you pull out another brick.

i guess i'm just ignorant,
or maybe a fool in denial,
but i'm beginning to accept it,
that under the light of everything,
i would one day just
pack up, get up and go.
and the beautiful thing is that
when i do so,
i won't hurt that much anymore,
i'll just take with me my scars.
truth be told, the hurt is going already;
i guess the different is still treated equal, eh?

you don't see beauty without some sacrifices,
sometime you have to make sacrifices in advance,
and sometimes sacrifices reap no benefits, period;
then you wonder why it all doesn't happen to you,
maybe the sacrifices were just plain unnecessary.
well, i dare you to stop doing anything.
maybe when you stop pushing so hard,
you can feel them push back.

'soft words are pillows for hurts' :

well, if that was all it took;
we wouldn't need each other now, would we?
i can write sappy notes to myself,
thank you very much.

i'm not hiding my needs,
one of them involves having you find out what they are.

don't bother asking,
'cause i'm not telling,
if you feel a slight something tugging at you,
then you know where you stand.

you decide who is important to you,
at your deathbed,
the millions who see you with your mask on,
or that one person who took it off.

if i know it,
but don't see, hear or feel it,
does it still make it real?
i guess so.
i'm just seeing it through
a different set of eyes.

'let me rest'

Its a little to late to say 'Hello'

2009-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

leave it to plain judgement,
the simpler form of analyzing.

its a matter of principle,
break it or change it,
don't look around for stares,
nobody would bother.

how short lived is that feeling
of happiness for another,
so how long do you want to
pretend that it all still matters?

i look at you knowing
that you are looking at me,
too bad the better approach would be
to stare without acknowledgment.

when you are done ignoring the fact
that you are that ugly creature,
you would see that the others,
with that craved up look on their faces,
are just waiting for you
to tell them that its alright to be ugly,
cause you have found relief,
in that 'unacceptable' truth,
that thinking differently or away from the majority 'good',
is a sign that you are meant for murder or corruption,
when you know it, and feel it,
that finally,
i'm free.

was it you singing that oh so sweet melody?
no?
thank you...

Tying Heart Strings

2009-06-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

temporal

how good it is to be forgotten,
and to actually be forgotten,
than be forgotten,
after words of comfort.

there's a reason to why we live
usually not pass a 100,
anymore would increase the likelihood
of us breaking the ones who are yet to speak.

situational errors,
do you want to call it that?
rather,
glimpse of clarity.

'just waiting to see when it won't come'
why?
cause thinking that it is coming,
makes you forget that we scream at each other.

'let me rest'
is not answered with 'alright'
its better answered,
'let me take over'.

'Trust Me'

The Fray

If I say who I know it just goes to show
You need me less than I need you
Take it from me
We don't give sympathy
You can trust me trust nobody
But I said you and me
We don't have honesty
The things we don't want to speak
I'll try to get out but I never will
Traffic is perfectly still

its like noon passing over,
sunlight that burns my skin.

transient

Arrested Sundown

2009-06-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

its been a long day,
and if it all goes well,
the blessings would stay,
and the pains would too.

'i'm not emo'

its a wonder how we can be ignorant
to the actions around us that heals or builds...
I'm not saying those close to us,
or those we see day in and day out.
I mean those who appear once
and never again,
or those who are new additions.
its amazing what small gestures from complete
strangers can do to your life.
acceptance and self-esteem,
and we can't even remember their names after sometime.

attachment without actually getting close,
always with the introduction of something new...
its like looking through a window at a puppy,
the blind joy of love without possession,
that itself is blind, or probably brain dead...
but its a nice feeling,
that transient moment which allows
for 'if's and 'maybe's,
its like a temporary painkiller.

prayer for the heart,
teaches it obedience...

haven't you ever wondered what small gestures
you have given that could have influenced a life?
superficial conversations, a simple smile...
yeah, i laughed at that thought too...
past tense...

--------------------------------------------------------

you probably don't know what you did,
you probably will never find out.
you probably forgotten what you said,
you probably forgotten what i looked like.
you probably forgotten the entire incident,
you probably placed me in the forgotten trash.
but i remembered what you did clearly,
i remembered those small gestures.
i remembered what you said,
i remembered what you looked like.
i remembered the flow of the incident,
i remember you.

---------------------------------------------------------------

white polka dots on a red canvas,
an answer to a prayer much needed.
short lived with the complexity,
there i find acceptance and rejection.
esteem on a roller coaster,
who knew.

---------------------------------------------------------------

when you're looking for the sun when day breaks,
look towards the east.
when you're looking for a friend when you get lost,
look for me, i'll show you my Friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------

a play of mind,
where a related numbness is found,
disappearance make its appearance,
take my hand, would you let me share?
i'll try to bother,
even if it may be one sided.

------------------------------------------------------------

you taught me that falling without attachment,
is not falling after all,
a placebo when blindfolded,
i see now.

fire for my warmth,
my needs misunderstood,
but the extra heat helps me
recall my blessings.

Thank You God

river, silence it out

2009-05-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

imperfections and disappointments
defines a person.
so why are you looking for perfection?
there's only one kind of perfect,
and then there's the countless imperfects.

for the flesh is weak,
and the world is its tempter,
without a constant glimpse of recognition,
as age gives it a new face.

you hurt me,
you always do,
and yet,
thank you for the imperfections.

my nightingale,
sing your song.

somebody else is saying your prayer

2009-04-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

a willingness to be broken,
why is that so laughable at?
your laughter comes from within your bubble,
your shrieks of short giggles will pierce it soon enough.

a desire to break,
is the desire for difference,
searches for the desire to experience,
acts on the desire to learn,
motivates the desire to heal,
drives the desire to touch,
aimed at the desire to change,
defines the desire for purpose.

doesn't brokenness fill this empty shell,
what is this frame for if its just to laugh?
why is the shallow closer to the shore,
and not towards that vast expanse?

"why bother?"
cause you don't, i do.

when nonchalant becomes an emotion

2009-04-04T21:00:00.000-07:00

everything has an exit,
emotions are just blind in finding them.

empirical walkway,
just not very well lit,
turn back for a timeless mix up,
step back to lose your footing.

why does fiery rage freezes life in place?
or why does numbness hardens?

love to witness blinds the sight,
tender approaches retracts the curious.

some experiences aren't for learning,
they are just a reminder for when you hit replay.

when i'm a bullet shot out of a gun

2009-02-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

can we really give too much?
no one can rate what you see,
what you value, what you want.
so is the limit your limit?
is it the majority's take again?
would there be a wrong or right?
we say no,
but that's not what we show.

hide, hide, keep it right,
'cause better no one knows your might,
it hurts, it harms, all for pride,
in the end, the recognition's in spite.

don't hide behind a mask,
do it behind a smile,
its less obvious,
don't we all have too...
life's beautiful,
made perfect with
cuts and bruises,
tears and sorrow,
those are the fine brush works,
detailing each painting.

All At Once
- The Fray

goodbye never leaves the door properly

2009-02-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

we aren't alone when we think we are,
who do we think we are?
'special'? 'unique'?,
that we face something so different
from one another.
we define ourselves,
that's special.
what we face,
that's just human.
we go through what?

loneliness?
whether its when no one's around
or when everyone's around.

abandonment?
left aside to rot on one's
own misery.

rejection?
no acceptance, all judgment,
simply turned away.

replacement?
to see everything that once was
with some or one, being attended
to by another.

unappreciated?
words, actions and efforts all taken
for granted, seemingly bland.

unassured?
without words necessary to cope,
without actions necessary to comfort.

average?
similar to the majority, not dearly held by
anyone, and die a familiar death.

degraded?
self worth and esteem no longer
in existence, dashed by your 'loved' ones.

insulted?
backstabbing, a fleet of lies and rumors,
or just a face to face spat.

worthlessness?
to feel that one is just a burden,
who has not contributed to anyone's life,
like dust in the wind.

directionless?
purposeless, just plain lost in this
controversial world.

misunderstood?
every action and every thought always
seem to spark anger, distrust and hatred.

not understood?
every action and every thought never getting across,
not bothered, and forcibly thrown aside.

forgotten?
a friend of replacement, just simply not remembered
and no acknowledgement of remembrance.

emptiness?
not seen, not heard, not touched,
but ever so real when felt,
the cliché void,
but the reality is there.

an ever stretching list.

and out of the 6.6 billion people or so
on this green and blue planet,
can we say we face one common
enemy and friend all alone?
life.
life, with all its opposing qualities and matter,
to toy or be toyed,
to hurt or be hurt,
to care or be cared for.
or maybe you prefer
to love and hate,
to give and take,
to smile and spite,
to make and break,
or simply,
good and evil.
everything opposes,
wonderful, don't you think?
everything compensates,
all in balance,
its just a matter of which opposite
has more media exposure.
we are the audience of war,
we watch what we want displayed.
commercial love is so overrated,
real love is underrated.
but the first is easier, no?

Generation Y.
that's us.
no longer family orientated,
we call them strangers we live with,
and yet we allow strangers into our hearts
everyday? why is that?
a general acceptance?
to clear boredom?
to settle loneliness and all of the above?
and what do we do with them?
hope we benefit our desires and hunger
off them?
cannibalism to feed our thoughts, our hurts,
our pains to restore what they have yet to bring?
we constantly tell ourselves it isn't a
one way friendship, cause conscience is
a very unforgiving gift.
do we really take responsibility for every life
we introduce ourselves to?
to care like we desire for, to love like we long for.

"A friend to all is a friend to none"

- Aristotle

treat others how you want others to treat you?
with such low standards this generation has on
lasting friendships, its not a wonder how people
can follow that saying and yet not have close friends.
we limit the love, the care, the effort and God knows
what else we limit ourselves in giving the blessings
in our lives, simply because of fear.
be slow when entering a friendship, but when you are in,
put in more, put in better, and make the giving constant, right?
are we so fragile that we break at the slightest hurt,
disappointment, let down, heartache and from then
fear every potential great friendship from forming?

how do we define a friend anyway?
there to laugh with, talk with,
play with, bum around with?
then i guess that's all we will get back as well.
we tell ourselves, no, they are more than that.
but really? do you take that as believable?
some heart to heart, and all of a sudden
you have a 'close' friend.
so i guess we are all out there to disprove the saying:

"One friend in a lifetime is much,
two are many, three are hardly possible.
Friendship needs a certain parallelism of life,
a community of thought, a rivalry of aim."

- Henry Brooks Adams

maybe we think we can keep at the very least 2o, huh?
just saying, sometimes even one is not easy.

'No Goodbyes'
-Blue

99 steps, i see nil.

2009-02-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

weakness till sadness,
a battle run highway.

a knowledge for disappearance,
wisdom for concealment,
its dances are brief,
a singled out glow.
with misfit misplaced,
and arches reform,
a tiled mess lay before,
let it burn.

a felt of consciousness,
with a longing return,
just tired of the far-fetched,
in draggy unison.
a gather of reasons,
for something so simple,
in steam, frustration,
in memory, perseverance.
as usual, majority wins,
but minority keeps on kicking,
simple encouragement,
'just play better'.

let comfort play executioner,
its words, the iron axe,
its satisfaction, the might of the swing,
its abandonment, a basket full.
and weep to know,
there's no remorse,
a black hooded companion,
never a good choice.

life,

just life.

missing a diamond on wings, criss cross

2009-01-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

persistency over air,
tiresome in searching,
acquiescence comes first,
negation, second.

---------------------------

bother me with boredom,
pass it on with nonsense,
electrify the convenience,
and make known its annoyance.

---------------------------

i'm waking up tonight,
wishful for the morning light,
but alas, in my fright,
nothing i do is right.

he is but a lonely docent,
a train through abandonment,
running its tracks through impermanence,
bounded by benevolence.

actions alone do not define,
alone, they provoke.

crossing

2009-01-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

keep one, keep one,
another is on hold. gain another.
save one, save one,
another is lost. craft another.
lose one, lose one,
another blossoms. strengthen another.

obvious choice,
or maybe not

i'm what i am,
i'm what i'm not,
personal definition,
is something and nothing.

come what may

numerical

2009-01-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

Collide

(Dishwalla)

When I came here there was more.
Now I've come back to destroy,
And I've got nothing left,
And it's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love,
And it's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
We break.

When the cold comes crashing down,
And the fight lost what it's about.
I could tell that you'd left.
It's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love.
It's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide.

It's a mistake,
When we collide we lose ourselves,
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake,
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide, we break,
We break

lightened pretence

your wish

2009-01-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

just close the door tonight,
seal it tight with silence,
streetlight through the window,
throw at it a mild gust.

black bile,
try that as a panacea,
for when everything fails,
the stubborn old goat won't give.

denial allows for continuation,
the continuation for supposed happiness,
but still happiness, good or bad.
then comes the denial of denying,
a sad little fear jumps into the sunlight,
its shadow bigger than you now.

words unspoken,
best be forgotten.

precaution after precaution,
just go ahead and kiss the sky,
cause as how another would see it,
you're the fool.

time,
is to mend and break.

with eyes closed,
that's how dark it is,
no direction without a hand,
no knowledge without a voice,
just stand, sit or lie down,
i can't see anyway.
a man with his thoughts,
ever wondered why there are so few?
its never a pretty sight,
i guess that's the reason for darkness.

'you're not needed'
i hear whispers.

pencil pushing

2009-01-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

a simple word has the ability
to twist and turn itself into
another word,
another sentence,
another paragraph,
all in an essay with all the
hidden stipulations.

we know about all the nonsense,
yet we just go through with the
'believing' and attempts to 'understand'.
'cause we are built on speech, signs and language.
articulate beings,
with sad trying attempts to comfort,
do we really believe whats in our speech?
in our signs, in our writing and in our motion?
even in our thoughts, hopes and beliefs.
do we know the lies we tell
ourselves to comfort others?
or even for personal comfort.
our freewill to change our look on the truth,
we believe its alright though.
hey, its for the 'greater good'.

just believing in what you want,
it becomes this created sincerity
that's actually believable,
even in your eyes.
just let reality kick in later,
you won't be able to tell the difference anymore,
what is, what was and what's made up.
but who cares right?
just create another personality,
another look, character and believe it.
create your own reality,
who can argue against your actions?
you're just living the real life in your own world,
communicate with the outside through a window,
why step out into the rain?
its not make believe,
its made to believe.

which is better?
to try to understand,
or acknowledge that you don't, and stop there?
one leaves another alone,
and the other throws the company into a spiral.
guess when you are just tired of one
you'll try the other.
actually, why should you care?
its really not about you,
to understand or not.
why try to be noble,
when you should try to be you?
why do we come to you?
because of who you are,
not who we want you to try to be.
if we want that,
we would just pick any random
person off the road.
everyone is a great actor when it comes to caring,
well, most anyway,
some just don't give a bother.

forgive and forget,
who says its rubbish?
forgotten,
just not erased.

game

2009-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

make way for the sight,
let it give leverage to your wake.

who are you?
maybe you should take a look
at what all the fuss is about.
might produce an interesting outcome,
like who you are not.

isn't it tiring?
could just be that illusion,
what you have to believe.
believe not that you are tired,
believe that you are fatigue.

is there point?
pointlessness is a point,
not seeing it is a point,
not feeling it is a point,
just give another one instead.

the sky has lost its colour,
in absence, there is rain.

run and hide,
'cause you fear being remembered
as who and what you were.
was it so different back then?
or was back then who you actually are?
an obligation to the should,
and an escape from the would.

already in place is a solid wall between
presence and past,
and currently, a try at paving a clear road
between presence and future.

you, take off that mask.
i like the other one better.

wallflower,
observe to seek.

measurement

2009-01-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

Broken

(lifehouse)

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok.

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

barely holding on to you

ain't it a beautiful piece?

Drag Along Burden

2008-12-29T20:30:00.000-08:00

wake up from that deep slumber,
or shallow one, it doesn't matter.

clear it,
waste it,
the false assumptions,
all the miscalculations,
why do you preserve it?
once is never enough,
even with clarity,
its always a 'go ahead' with you.
creation manifestation.

its not that simple,
there is no expectation
in terms of understanding,
you are simple,
an easy going bloke.
we function with similarities,
but as always, the contradictions bonds.
how jagged edges come together.
i guess this is how it really is?
finally found the
missing piece of the wrong puzzle.

is the reason 'in hiding'w?
or simply 'asleep'a?
i doubt 'extinction'i,
or even 'towards that't.
if its 'fear'i,
its truly a 'disappointment'n,
should have 'reached' there by nowg.

Drag Along Burden

Sorrows are dressed in black,
when rejoice should replace them at death.
Comfort is seen in a mask,
with smiles as his companion.
Perception is stoned
by gleeful merry men.
Shallow framed pain with fear,
associating himself with happiness.
Laughter drowns mourning,
when 'should not' becomes 'should'.
Thoughts were beaten up
by the drunk cheer.
Anger sold revenge at half
of what he sold forgiveness for,
as he succumbed himself to despair,
leaded by misery who is unwilling.
Satisfaction cloaked foolishness,
concealed to escape understanding .
Hurt impersonated joy,
' you smile, they don't '.
Sincerity stood aside,
as greed stole the spotlight.
Kindness took the blame,
as pride kept on going.
Love and care held hands,
as the dominant beings spat in their faces.

mine to keep, mine to remember,
for sinning can't be stopped here,
only with constant prayer,
a sincere apology
with an actual conscience.
temptations linger on solid ground,
infestations happening because we allow it,
misusing freewill,
I for one.

cornetto

2008-12-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

its tonight with eluded thoughts,
to leave behind a proper understanding,
to live without knowing why,
to accept without a struggle.

no longer 'just' fragmented,
but now just a fragment,
no more hoping,
but to see what the future holds.

for staying and not running,
for holding on and not giving up,
for trusting and believing,
for listening and opening up,
for unnecessary 'i'm sorry's
and for necessary ones
for understanding and accepting,
for honesty, with or without pain,
for non awkward silence,
for not burdening either way,
for the 'i wish' and 'i hope's
for being different and unique,
for being sincere and real,
for being forgiving and non judgemental,
for being an escapade from the ordinary,
for trying in many areas and ways,
for the voice and smile,
for the tears and laughter,
for realizations and waking,
for being the greatest ever,
to this, i give.

with that one voice asking,
'why are you staying?'.
why should i go anywhere else?
pain does not give scare here,
it only makes an indentation,
do we throw away great happiness
because of too much pain?
true pain is common,
true happiness is rare.
so to run is foolish.
3 strikes and you are out?
no,
here's one more,
words are cheap,
but the words are proven,
staying.

Hey, is that a smile?
Yeah, it is.
The greatest smile ever.

age old winter wall

2008-12-17T04:40:00.000-08:00

bliss and mercy,
take a hand.

dark shine full of luster,
what does this human ignorance seek?
its thirst or yours to quench,
down goes the bitter taste of man.

abnormal sweetness is still sweet,
so why the shrug?
only a notion of sentiency,
but that's understanding enough.

dance bush, dance

2008-12-11T06:59:00.000-08:00

bound to happen.
the whiplash.

who separates punishment
from coincidence?
so much of this left,
and yet the only thing necessary is
to accept 'cause life just goes on.
on and on and on...
always the same, always different...
where does acceptance end?
such an oddity
where we live in.
are all these necessary growth phases?
does it all really help?
how do we know?
cause of that supposed 'fuzzy' feeling?
do we do it for the greater amount of smiles
as compared to frowns, hidden or shown?
utilitarianism, yeah, another
fancy word to define what we try
to understand, endless futile attempts.
do we self acknowledge that what we learn
and go through is good for self development,
when really, we are just dressing up our
downfall, pampering ourselves with 'self
encouragement'.
what do we know?
easy, not much.
what do we think we know?
easier, everything, or at least in that direction.
yet, don't you just love humanity?
imperfections, inconsistency, denial, narcissism,
a never ending list of words made by man
to insult man.
through insults, we grow,
insults help, compliments confuses,
what a twisted little world we made,
so everything we make contradicts,
this post contradicts itself,
but contradictions makes space for
improvements that we aren't sure
are actually right.
so what is right?
when we die, are all these necessary?
ultimately, by then why do you care?
you escaped this world,
this spherical world that throws
us into circles with no ends.

1..2..3,4,5
once i saw a room light up
6..7..8,9,10
then it all turns black again.

berry in

2008-12-11T03:45:00.000-08:00

with each closing,
a desire fade,
eventually it becomes an 'on off' thing,
but not at will.

when a remora leaves,
what does a shark feel?
disorganized? unchanged?
with such a sudden change
to something so routine,
the guess is odd comfort,
not great, just a short rest,
but the remora will return.

sing a simple love song,
and a pair starts to dance.

turkish delight

2008-12-05T19:30:00.000-08:00

keys and ivory,
it sings a fine jingle,
as a maestro conducts,
the curtain falls,
the curtain calls,
and the ever changing
spotlight is unraveled,
peeling through the
sweet, sweet air,
and with midnight closing in,
with glitter in the eyes,
beholder with nothing,
folded comments
cluttered on the floor.

typicality,
wishful nonsense through
the cracks like running water.

mozaic model,
county fair with
its coloured snow,
like stepping on a rainbow.

pouched benevolence

2008-12-02T22:30:00.000-08:00

crown the sparrow
with a crown of dominance.

sleeping to dream,
sleeping to a dream.
no disappointments
'till we wake up.
reality without any hint
of fantasy is not reality,
a drift of the mind, a slight
detour does wonders
for our sanity, don't you agree?

scissors spring

pitching the thought,
voice hungering a tone,
malicious over dwelling,
collision, fusion.

hazel hazel,
memento mori.

country warmth

2008-12-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

as early as it may be,
its comforting to know
that it will not drag on,
same case, different case.
clock hands don't reach 13,
conventional ones don't, anyway.

desired deterioration.

aristocrat

2008-11-30T19:59:00.000-08:00

already a piece
of forgotten memory,
can it disappear
any quicker?
its going, going.......gone
you can still feel the breeze
without it being visible to you,
and yet the wind through
your hair is unnoticed.

superficial questions,
is there any reason to know more?
apparently not,
interest is all about narcissism.

black is the absence of colour,
white is the presence of all colours,
its sad we can't
fit in either category.

second grade necessity,
convenience or priority?
hanging helper,
just waiting for the green light.

take a listen through the window,
it is such a simple act,
sun pushed aside,
the wait carries on.
in the absence of colour, words does its purpose, absorbing thoughts long embedded.

dispersed reconciliation

2008-11-30T01:05:00.000-08:00

morning is like a summer's bird,
a pigeon on the fryer.

railway tracks and tunnel bats,
on a dreaded backdrop,
only from a cat's eye view,
but who bothers for such things?

imperfections differentiates,
differences are personal,
personalizing shows effort,
effort is time,
time heals,
healing needs love,
love is a blessing,
blessings show detail,
detail is beauty.

so why the constant struggle
for perfection?
when perfection fractures?
perfection is 'beauty'
because not everyone has it.
imperfections exist all over,
but that is our separation,
besides,
real perfection does not exist,
a red herring from true beauty.

from a distance you can see,
the worries that yesterday brought,
yet to solve all of yesterday's tomorrow's worries,
is like saying you will know tomorrow's troubles.

detailed cursory

2008-11-27T04:26:00.000-08:00

sway as the master,
halting the alleviator.

an original piece,
and its many forged copies,
a copy of a copy,
how can it not be mistaken?
isn't it better to buy
a photostated version?
why risk reading something
you may not enjoy,
and pay an over the top
price for it?
Another may state that
its a joy to possess an original,
insisting that just the knowledge itself
that it is authentic can bring
unexplainable satisfaction.
But you just can't afford to purchase
more than one original piece.
You want to spend wisely,
cent to cent worth.

Scarlet skin,
golden print.
A cover not everyone can love,
its content interpreted differently,
every page scrutinized,
every page hated, loved
or uncared for.
written by an author
recognized on a global scale.
A must have by some,
a reject by others.
Uncertainty clouds,
so you buy a photostated version,
and read it through.

Captivated by each word,
how can you not be?
such flow, such expression,
the clarity of a diamond,
beginning to end.
'Definitely a must have,
why was there doubt?'
In that store you made your purchase,
Its title shone gold as its new owner
held it in front of him.
Reading the prologue
and only halfway through,
you shut your eyes,
mouth open wide,
and yawned.
With tear filled eyes,
you place the book aside,
'i'll read it another day,
i know the story anyway.'

dust covered and in a box,
pages past the prologue untouched,
not taken with him six feet under.
to be passed on to charity,
yellowing and fragile,
who else can appreciate its beauty,
inner text closed off from the light.

now just waiting for its turn
into the furnace it will burn.

pepper and sage

2008-11-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

the pull of distance,
attractive as a monarch
breaking free,
emerges as a wanderer.

fences start up at 12 feet high,
extended lengthwise with
each high end development,
taken down when completed,
to allow for easier access,
as compared to climbing over.

like a vagrant who has
found refuge and safety,
to have found comfort
and a sense of belonging,
and to let it all go,
because everything is transient.
disallowed to possess,
a vagabond,
no more,
no less.

summer maintains,
fall clears,
winter heals and rests,
spring brings anew.
some lingering,
but slowly overshadowed.

over crescent

like men to money

2008-11-22T00:11:00.000-08:00

its expected

held steadfast through
the night,
however contemplated
in every season and
bright weather.

ignorance and egoism,
the reluctant change,
for change looks so weak,
unlike steadfast decisions.

Nothing is permanent,
not even our 'right' answers,
why then do we make flawed laws?
trusting corruption and culture,
influenced by mere men who
do not understand any more?

word manipulation,
from an 'intellectual' point of view,
for a 'greater' good,
which changes to suit the time frame.
reliance on the superficial presentation
to control and take over,
fake belief because of fear of venturing,
or is it real because you don't possess your own view,
to cross a one way street and
get knocked down from the other side.

a simple repetition
does not define humanity,
does not define us
just because we are habitual beings.
a numbness we feel that is all so frequent,
yet, should we harden our hearts
over a common hurt?
but we are just human,
an excuse given so often
without actually thinking any further.
so why do we go back to those
who hurt us when its going to be
undoubtfully repeated?
who else can understand, take in,
accept, forgive, heal and soften the hardened
but our Father.
that was not a question,
it was a statement.

'destiny does not exist,
only choices.'

fruits in a basket

2008-11-19T23:12:00.000-08:00

metal shavings on your omelet,
just 'cause the pepper shaker is empty.

light streams of rocky water
flows through paddy fields,
the hardy stalk glimmers gold,
and by hand it is bartered,
worth incomparable to wealth,
just to satisfy the simple desires
by sight, by smell.

when science and nature collides,
they create a spectacle that of
an oversized deadly mushroom.
and we just help ourselves to a bench
that has been well paid for,
goggles included, of course.

'its always sunny above the rain clouds,
you just better hope the moon isn't up then'

Nineteen

2008-11-18T05:45:00.000-08:00

when is a fault not a fault?
when is the blame for a crack forgivable?
its seen as nothing wrong
when its lights are flashing right into your eyes.
so obvious,
why can't you see?
silence for the growth,
for the learning experience that
from the looks of it isn't coming.
it will hurt to know,
that the reason it drys up and gets
picked up by the wind,
is because of the line you chose,
of the immensely large circle.
yes, fault is not there
it seems that each step is a right one,
but to not bother about what each step looks like,
it kills the spirit,
weakens the sincerity,
burdens the heart.

isn't it obvious?
the word being used so frequently is 'obvious',
because there isn't another way to look at it.
when its repeated,
can you not sense the immense routine sigh,
premonition no more,
when its so predicted.
and yet, no blame
because wants and needs are different.
being contented, to hope for more when you want it,
it will just end with a dash to the heart.

who asks?
don't we all wish the others know what we want and just do it?
but we all know how horrendously futile that is,
some just don't understand the needs,
are no longer the wants.

hesitant, that is the outcome.
the fatigue sinks deep,
to bother when the reply is so dead,
so 'anything',
whether or not that be it,
its obvious whats expected,
nothing.

is it the priority? is it the placement?
or is it simply because the cut was too deep,
wound opened to be hurt again.
it is for no one to understand without explanation.

Is this the intention?
when you expect it, its going to come as it is.
when effort diminishes,
when expectations fall,
when the dealer becomes the 'object' of disappointment,
when drifting becomes fading,
when bother becomes pain,
when proving becomes hurt,
how can anything last?

or is it just misfortune?
is it just coincidence?
is it punishment?
we wonder won't we?
blame points its ugly fingers right
back at the heart,
'am i at fault?'
every inch you try to dust,
every speck a reason for failure.

lingering weakness,
what can we do with it but suppress?
cause human nature is the cure,
and human nature has expired.

nonchalant to the wonder

usual novelty

2008-11-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

a simple glimpse of joy,
and pointless bitterness fills.

why do we put up with ourselves
repeating everything that hurts,
to say, its the end, and fall weak to comfort,
to crumble at the sight of solace.
we cover our pain with a cloud of denial
for what? to linger on a past that is past?
to pretend that the world will stop for your sake
while we are moving past you?
is that worth the trouble for a pinch?
reality shows you that you aren't in deep slumber,
or would you rather live in a world where pain
is just is word?
you want the hugs and kisses,
but not the pain and affliction?
where have you been living all your life?

'we choose which paths to take,
but we can't change the path we are on.'

eject, play back

2008-11-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

with stares and glares,
a meaningless smile.

so undeserving,
is that why you possess it all?
with silver trays and red wood tables,
an overflowing goblet,
enraged ruby flame.

glass shattered,
clarity no more,
elaborate puzzle pieces,
an ageless process.

like an egg in water,
abandoned with care,
is how perception floats,
hopelessly outnumbered.

four walls,
and yet no ground to stand on,
grab for the ceiling,
cause gravity hates you.

'you can break the human spirit,
but that's as far as you can go,
and no, that isn't enough,
cause we have something stronger.'

better days

2008-11-06T03:45:00.000-08:00

bed of ash,
murky lake.

is still air so hard to take in?
need Eastern winds blow? so directionless.
bring up the ashes and distribute it among the trees.
the roots will heal in time,
as the bark just darkens, let it be a shelter,
let the roots dig deep again to find water.

a primeval forest,
fires come and go,
centuries withstanding,
expanding and growing,
burnt bark sheds off,
to grow ring after ring.

sunlight through the mosaic,
such a welcoming sight,
filtered out with distance,
till no shadows can be observed.

life is like a shirt,
starts of so new, untainted ,colour intact.
then comes the occasional spills,
with every wash cycle, it cleans.
the tendency of that shirt getting that type of spill again lessens,
if spillage continues, it wont be worn outside as often anymore,
eventually the shirt gets worn out,
colour fades, threads come undone, an unsewed patch by age,
reduced to wiping stains, and then discarded.

'make me a happy ending,
the recipe is by trial and error,
to suit an individual's dainty taste,
so you better get started'

stranger

2008-11-02T20:15:00.001-08:00

its funny,
how often do you have those close to heart in thought,
and then have that 'i'm not remembered, not bothered by them'
'i'm a short term comfort, a convenient friend'.
but aren't we all similar?
so won't we all think we aren't remembered by those who remember us most?
to think that you are one day here and the next day gone,
is to have absolutely no self worth,
you aren't thin air, even air is remembered.
expression determines,
but how often do we show it all, or even half of it?
how often do we show someone's importance in our life?
to let his face shine more through appreciation.
an empty 'thanks'?
what difference would that make us as compared to those who have no conscience?
its always a trial and error thing.
so you have no idea, just take a simple step,
how hard is it to get up once you fall,
especially if its done for someone so dearly held.
we ask when we say we wont,
and deny the whole package when the blame comes,
people wonder why everything is so fragile,
we contributed to each crack, so fix it.

done backstage,
to be viewed through curtains,
to listen to the applause given,
rose petals, satisfied expressions,
leave through the backdoor.

where can you not find a silver lining?

2008-10-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

like dust in the wind...

nothing stays permanent in this world,
not even our sorrows...
embrace the bitterness,
isn't it just lovely?
cause its so hard to hold onto pain,
it fades off so soon,
when that lighter ignites,
all goes smoothly, all with smiles.

no one

2008-10-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

works unpublished are what you treasure the most,
make public your insecurities, your pains and hurt,
you become a target to yourself.
anger at another unleashed,
a safe zone of a screen,
real mature.
walk along that river of ice,
you ignore whats below,
you just let that catch get away.

Déjà vécu

2008-10-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

the cycle needs recycling,
take the extra shards of broken glass out,
fill it with papers and tin cans,
empty plastic bottles are of no worth,
keep adding unnecessarily and see
the unfinished product.
i know, you know, we all know.
fractured, torn and broken,
its like committing suicide,
and its amazing what broken glass can do to a person,
or at least make obvious.

but people still favor the recycled,
useful or not.

i say, throw away the newly made rubbish.

crushed nuts

2008-10-03T05:45:00.000-07:00

when the house was left in shambles,
were we to take a broom to sweep away the debris?
were we to call for hired help?
but only we knew each corner of the house...

for every tear a lesson learned,
for every bit of nonsense a lesson unlearned.

our habits, our trademarks.
why are we marked for them?
a large, bright red bulls eye,
shall i paint one on you?

just cause the water is flowing downstream,
does not mean the fishes are not swimming upstream.

every little bit scrutinized,
but hey, its just human,
so i will just balance that out by sleeping,
you'll still be awake when i wake up anyway.

the penny thinks why is it on the street and not in some guy's wallet,
the wallet thinks, pennies smell.

where did all the hollow watermelons come from?
should have ordered the apples.

thanks for the toast

2008-09-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

are the words directional?
is there a rule book?

have you seen the moon at 12 p.m.?
i know i have.

a hammer through technology,
is but a rock, a rope, and a stick.

crayon dressing,
pencil tracing.

its like being addicted to water,
but its so largely scarce.

i am sorry if my blessings annoy you,
do you want to share?

wake up

2008-09-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

don't you see?
its all happening,
everything you thought would happen,
only before anything happened. its not understood

should have known,
a reason was not required, so this is how it is
just sit back and say, pain comforts
'hey, that's life'

trust in everything to turn for the worst,
you really can't look at things from a different angle, when its been betrayed
its not easy cause you know what hoping does,
already experienced.

you lie down to think of the worst, wasted effort
cause happiness comes from getting
whatever that is better than that thought,
and so the lowliest gift sparks fire. why isn't anything being done?

never satisfied, never receiving,
living that way, you live with disappointments,
where anyone who enters, unbelievable
stays as a predictable disappointment.

fearing the rope that binds,
o how strong it seems to be able to hold anything, why can't it stay?
yet time comes and it rots away,
you naive gullible human. you were different

already seen the mess,
still you get into in, please
knowing how the outcome will be,
yet you do it all.

don't you see its all an individual work?
no one is helping you, its futile work, need it be this way?
when you bring it up, temporary sympathy,
o a sudden desire to be apart of your life.

you can only relate with weakness, but its wanted
when its over, supposed conscience paid off,
you are left back in the dark,
only to try once more. dawn is coming soon

give it up,
its obvious, why is it different?
pointless,
as it should not have been.

bias coin

2008-09-06T20:50:00.000-07:00

blinded hypocrite,
for hypocrites surround you,
the joy is from 'blamelessness',
when can the hole be buried?

can all this not be general,
must this be thought of as directed?
when has everything been about one thing?
so broad,
it keeps growing and experiencing,
the mind won't stop talking,
let it rant away,
who are we to stop it?

happenings

2008-08-30T02:59:00.000-07:00

what can be done but store more inside...
when everything has been released,
something else builds up,
such a never ending process,
exhaustion but yet necessary,
what can be done but just learn to control,
learn to stopper somethings,
to wear shades during the night,
pointless effort when the sun is going to rise,
it all seem so pointless,
such a sad emotion to face,
knowing life is built up on more,
or is that itself untrue?
its such a small role,
is it not?
when it is scarred with human perception,
it looks weak and now defiled,
its just messed up with everything,
now looked upon as a burden.

with the confusion,
comes the peace i have been searching for.
with the blame,
comes the acceptance i have been asking for.
with being pressured,
comes the control of different emotions.
with being misunderstood,
comes the understanding of situations.
with all the everything,
comes getting everything.

an odd sense of having no idea,
of much uncertainty and yet,
i like it.

slkv,
wvhriv,
bvzim.

Stop

2008-08-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

placing fear into others,
wait till the crack deepens,
let me try to mend it,
before that sledgehammer comes any closer.

please don't let that happen,
don't test the patience...
i don't want to experience it,
nor others.

deep breaths,
blood pressure.

stare back

2008-08-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

perfection?
you think so?
what are you trying to show?
the amount of nonsense you keep bringing up.
you never learn, repeated so many times you never learn,
its plain common sense,
a simple betray of trust,
your hypocritical action speaks,
you show its all possible,
promises just pass your mind like its nothing,
you expect us to keep ours?
we do it to maintain what was created,
you look at it like its an attraction point,
do you still lack that worthless attention?
you won't ever get it,
cause you don't want to,
denial is your speciality,
fool yourself for thats the best way for you now.

its not

2008-08-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

a mirror.

o yes, the typical scene,
you see yourself,
mirroring your hand gestures.

his hands raised,
as yours follows,
observing both hands falling.

'i don't need an image,
i am that image.'

you pick up the broken shards of glass,
to have twenty blood smeared smiles,
directing to the same thing.

what are you then?
the image of an image
made by images?

do you care?
do we care?
just live

how its desired...

2008-08-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

sorry...
i am so so so sorry...
i can't return,
what was shown...
i can't express,
how it shouldn't be expressed...
that evening mood,
just breaks that concrete wall...
everyday...
every time...
the hurt is nothing cause it isn't worth the hurt...
blank pain...
i am so sorry...
goodnight

it's beyond me,
or at least,
i want it to be.

plausible

2008-08-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

where has it gone?
its....stuck.....
i know its there....
what have you done.....
why are you doing it again....
is it real this time? if it is,
stay...

getting better

2008-08-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

can you blame me?
it happened, the whole cycle...,
all over again...
but its so different,
just like the smell of freshly baked pastry,
or that gentle touch of morning light through opened windows.
limitation is pointless, when it isn't wanted to begin with.
a road block placed simply because it can be done.
to stop something so it can continue.
its so messed up, but thats when you get the best out of it.
who in their right mind thought they can make simple what already was.
it only began to seem difficult when envy was added.
simple to simple, you complicated something you tried to simplify,
yet you deny cause you don't want to give up either.
both brings out opposite emotions, yet it is such in unity.
so we leave it as it is, knowing but ignoring,
cause it just feels so good,
and cause it feels so right.
can you blame me?

repeat

2008-07-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

hypocrite...
why? is it always that way?
its in your blood, right?
blaming your generation curse,
better than blaming the non existing conscience.

so frequently done,
so smoothly played out,
but so obvious to the eye.
who believes you but yourself?
what you see is pity and actual human conscience,
what you do not understand.
born without knowing... how do you live like that?
backbiter...
need i say more,
are you awake doing all this?
or is it just cause you love it?
distorted mentality,
your love for betrayal.
you hunger for the loyal.
so we commit,
you hit back.
and that makes you?
we notice,
you don't.
and that makes you?
we stop,
you repeat.
and that makes you...
...nothing
just one word,
and you tell a full length tale.
its not about you,
its not for you.
but you just love that illusion,
of being the center of everything.
you know its not,
but you broke that mental barrier,
what is becomes not.
popularity got to you? its just that same illusion.
and what we give,
its not compassion,
its responsibility,
but that fades when washed,
with your words.
that poison tongue.
so just wait,
time will tell,
time will reveal,
time will take.
your clock ticks, and ticks, and ticks, and....

useless

2008-07-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

your common sense holds nothing,
just like that life of yours.

punching water

2008-07-07T04:43:00.000-07:00

does it matter? no
what is it?
you expect us to keep taking it?
you think you have it all planned out?
if you can think that way, so can we.
this is what you call innocence
hit after hit,
keep throwing them,
i cant feel pain can i,
i keeps flowing on.
...
continue,
i wont attack you,
go deeper why dont you,
i've been harmless so far.
...i'm coming...
got you,
naive aren't you,
that charm won't save you now,
you are in rough waters.
...i'm here...
didn't notice i took a bit of land,
that you stood on,
each time you threw a punch,
your naive charm.
...you're here too...
water is getting rougher,
too busy drowning to bother,
that i wont cause your death,
its getting closer.
...its here as well...
head first into that big rock,
would have expected you,
to expect the expected,
before your head had split open,
and cause an unnecessary mess,
now i'm a bloody river.
...you're no longer here...
...but we still are...

to know

2008-06-22T21:10:00.000-07:00

whats the point of knowing??
so what, right?
will that make it possible for you to do wonders?
then again, would you want to try to do wonders?

when you know, what's stopping you to not bother?
conscience? you lost that already.
try to deny that, go on.
you know everything, do you want that?
since you do, you know how to un-learn,
but you don't want to do you?
the knowledge you have, you want greed to take over.
you un-learn charity, you un-learn mercy,
that with the lost of conscience,
you feel free.
then what?
you can't do wrong cause you know its right.
you can't do right cause you know its wrong.
you aren't even in the middle cause that is wrong and right,
you know that can't be.
you search for an answer, but you know the answer,
you are forced to believe because its true.
you don't want to live anymore, but
you know what happens after death.
you dont want to die.
you have no where to run, to hide,
you are forced to live a life knowing its direction and purpose you want to change,
you are forced to accept what comes after death, never changing it,
never succeeding because knowing is not doing,
you then take away your mentality, your common sense,
you take away your sanity,
to escape the life you were meant to live, to face what awaits you after death,
there is no escape,
accept it.

stay

2008-06-19T02:03:00.000-07:00

you look at me with those eyes,
pretend, go ahead.
I'll start pretending too,
just because... i cant stand you?
its just wrong not to? that surge of adrenaline?
i want to?
pretend to cry, pretend to fall,
go ahead.
useless
pretend to care, pretend to have compassion,
go ahead.
what compassion?
pretend cower, pretend to hide,
go ahead.
backstabber
pretend to cherish, pretend to love,
go ahead.
what are you?
pretend to pretend.
what are you trying to prove?
pretend to pretend.
once isn't enough?

thats all you are good at,
if you stop, what would happen?
this world will drown even further, thats what...
go on, just continue,
we will have somebody to blame for all this mess.
we will look like heroes to...
think of it as a noble action,
to clear your conscience with a negative one,
if you even have one...
let us stick you with needles,
throw some useless tests on you,
hurry up...
we just need an excuse,
come on, we are waiting.
goodbye

I don't

2008-06-12T05:15:00.001-07:00

I don’t understand…

I want to… but it never works out that way…

What is this?

You want to know what other people are going through, but what would you do when you find out its all the same? Who can help who then? Who determines what is right when all thinks the same? Majority? Minority? Do you follow what makes you feel good? Do you know what actually makes you feel good to start with? You know the outcome will be the same, but you keep thinking whether it may change. You know it, you can guarantee it, but you keep thinking otherwise. What is right? The answer we set is from observation, from trying to make you feel better cause we can’t live up to a set expectation. You look at everything we feel is right, but you think again and again and again, its never the same. We ask so many questions when you know you won’t get answer, why ask? Does it make you feel better? Does asking help clear the guilt of a previous action when you know that there is no definite answer to prove you wrong? You think of complex questions to contradict answers that are not definite, does that make you feel better? You think we are idiots? You don’t think we know what you are thinking? We think just like you do, if not more. You ask nonsensical questions cause you are afraid aren’t you? Cause of your guilt you ask question to answers that you can not be proven. Cause you know you are wrong but do not want to change, you ask these question to fool yourself. We just don’t tell you cause we ask these questions ourselves. We are afraid to be called a hypocrite. So we let you go on, to keep fooling yourself. Cause we fear the outcome of the actions we think are right but may be otherwise. Because of uncertainty, we allow nonsense to continue.

........

2008-04-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

'Leave....just go....why cant you just leave me alone....'

i don't understand....who does....every time... 'you can do it, just hold on, just a little more'.... just a little more.... what does that mean? 2 years? 3 years? 70 more year?? you wont know when 'just a little more' will be, do you? do you know when 'just a little more' will be for you? or are you just saying something that every misunderstood person is saying?repeating a supposedly 'motivating sentence'?thinking that, ooo, this sounds nice, sounds encouraging. so what if i don't know what it mean, it makes me sound intelligent, people WILL appreciate me for saying this. wait, do you even think about that? or you just use words without thinking?

you think words can make things better?after what we go through, you think the simple sounds that come from that defiled mouth of yours will change anything for the better? some nice enough to say 'thank you for those words of encouragement', can you see what is so obvious behind their eyes, the let down, the slow loss of respect? no, you go on and on. have you even thought for a second that those 'words of encouragement', can actually discourage? the nonsense that you speak of, immediately, people can see that you don't actually mean it. they see right through that cloth you put over yourself, see that person that 'care' so much, they lose hope in those who pretend. betrayed.... why do you bother to continue, words brings no value, don't you understand? it just brings a deterioration in whatever respect we have left for those around us, don't you understand? obviously not... i don't understand why i'm even writing this... you never get anything, you blind follower.

Damaged Mortificating

2008-03-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

Inferior the one who is overlooked where the mighty stand shadowing the shadowed.

The canister broke as what was poured into just ate the wall,
spilled the inside, thrown behind, left alone,
evaporating with betrayal, consumed by anger,
let lose and spread, corrupting the corrupt, absorbed by the flesh,
death is merciful, the snide fall into nothingness,
on impact with an empty space, hard felt with hopelessness,
suicide is soft on the heart, as the soul cries in vain,
wasted is the blood of the unsure, unknown to the obvious,
confused with the simple, attacked with perception,
dressed with pain of the lame, immortalized onto a pedestal,
broken down by a butterfly, brought up by the fallen,
revived by the dead, history repeated to heal the hurt,
masked by the sanity of the norm, insanity striking the heart,
length cover the truth behind reality, as well as complexity,
straightforwardness unappreciated taken as an insult,
to the lie of an idiot's intelligence, scorns the norm,
eluding the eyes that detects nothing, cloaking the perverse,
illusion is weak as well as it is strong, impression hates,
cinnamon is bitter to the tongue, worst than rotting wood,
envy loves what envy loves, transparent is the way that is false,
when the truth is opaque to wall what is free,
escape is absurd, freedom chained, evil lifted up,
in its eyes glorified, in principle trampled.

Asking for answers is futile, in control the two faced, falsehood surrounds. Reality is perception that fazes.

of innocence

2008-01-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

The violent habit of those thought innocent, an outbreak so great, so merciless.

You look at him, his jet black pupils staring back at you. His eyes act as windows into his soul. But it makes your own eyes unprotected from him if you did so. But you were not worried, your thought was you were completely safe from him, that he could not have hurt you. So you decided to look through the window, expecting to see something sweet, something pure.

Your eyes bulge, the veins in your eyes popping one by one as you opened the window as you were hit by some foul smell, the smell of rotting garbage and flesh. You tried to close the window but the smell was too strong and you backed away as the window opened itself. Though fear filled you, curiosity was stronger at that moment. With both eyes half opened, you were still hoping, really hoping, that it would still be something sweet, though deep down you already knew.

What was dreaded came as it did. One thing was clear through the window, death reigned supreme. Nothing, there was nothing that lived but worms squirming and moving in and out of large piles of rotting garbage all along an abandoned road. On the abandoned road were abandoned vehicles, some burning, some only being consumed my fire that came down from the red sky. As the blood red moon shone light as far as your eye could see, you saw something approaching you from afar traveling at an amazing speed. Before you noticed it had no form, it entered your eyes and it was its turn to explore.

Your soul saw it inside you, opening the window. You used to compare yourself, thinking what was inside you was worst than them. It jumped through the window and stopped to wonder how you managed to keep yourself this pure, though not completely, still better. Jealousy caused it to rage and fueled by envy it started to destroy what was inside. It grabbed hold of trees and ripped them apart, uprooting them in the process, polluted the rivers killing life and spread noxious gas all around. Almost immediate, your soul fell onto the floor and just squirmed. It burned inside as you were quickly changed, purity torn from you and stitched by corruption, hate, envy and death. Then just before any more damage could be done, it was sucked back out through the window.

His mother smiled at him as she handed him an ice-cream cone. Looking at me with a look of gratitude for looking after him, the mother lead the little child by the hand into their Proton Saga, the child already dirtied his shirt with his ice-cream. His mother placed him in the front seat of the car and gestured to him to wave back at me. He stared out of the window of the car and waved with a smile on his face. And as the car started to move, his smile grew, and by then you could feel no innocence in it, just an empty smile, lifeless and dead.

Children, why are they always thought to be innocent? We were not even born innocent and we expect that when we nurture them in such a corrupted environment they will still possess that small amount of innocence? We can only instill moral values and such things into them, they being taught by us, the corrupted. Innocence is not dependent on age. But up till now, age had managed to place a cloak over itself, covering the fact that innocence no longer exist within.

A Christmasy Feeling

2007-12-25T04:03:00.000-08:00

Though the hearts of men are filled with venom most times of the year, there will be a few days, or moments where the heart is sincere.

Its odd. You does not even have to know what time of year it is when you wake up, even after a long and tiring day. You just know its Christmas, and there is always an odd feeling that comes with this day. There is a combination of many mixed feelings, a fuzzy kind of warmth feeling that rarely comes to one at any kind of day of the year when you open your eyes to greet the morning sun and not be greeted by it instead. And if the feeling doesn't come, you can still tell its Christmas by waking up to the sounds of numerous sms being received so early in the morning that even the owls are asleep. And what is odd about it is you actually like to be woken by the sounds of the annoying repeating tone you set as an sms. It becomes a delight to one to receive an sms at 3 am in the morning that even the sensible do not put it to silent mode or switch it off. It could happen at any other time of year, but it always happens on the same date every year. The joy of waking up so early.

Waking up, you just feel like smiling all the time. Even greeting the wall with a smile to appreciate that it is there to protect you from such menace like the weather, which you also smile at because the weather has been relatively good to you so far that you are still alive. Still having that feeling of loving everything within reach of men or not, you go out on a bicycle to deliver some late Christmas presents, smiling at every man, beast or plant that comes into view. And you feel that they are smiling back, whether true or not doesn't bother you. Delivering the late presents, your heart if filled with joy as you see the wide grin on the faces of those people accepting the gifts. The grin on your face widens as they give you their presents, big or small. Even as you cycle back home uphill on a bike so rusty and broken after years in the rain and many times the bike experienced torture by the owner, it managed to take you back home, all sweaty but your heart filled with joy to the brim.

After wishing the world Merry Christmas using the normal means of communication this generation has to offer, you had to celebrate a Christmas lunch with family friends. On a normal day, you think of drunk uncles with either red wine or whiskey in hand and ankle bitters so numerous that stacking them up, though small, would be the size of a four storey house. But this special day, you see jolly men with rosy cheeks dancing to no music and small angelic kids who brings joy to those they play with. Carving a 6 kg turkey, you sit down and just talk about your year, though repeated numerous times to many, it did not seem boring today. You ended up playing babysitter(God know how) to the little 'angels' in the still standing house, and the moment you enter the room full of children, shouts erupted from left and right, not to mention teddy bears and stuffed dogs flying to your direction. Thinking that the only way to survive them would be to join them, you start playing with them. BIG MISTAKE. You find yourself being torn apart by 2 kids on one side, and 2 on the other. By the time they let go, they started jumping all over you, demanding piggy backs while making a few fly around like superman. One of those little 'angel' some how managed to drag you into another room, sat you down, and started to play teacher and student. You learned that day what a mangostein looks like, not to mention the 'ugly' dinosaurs are extinct and pikachu is the 'teacher's' favorite pokemon. Dragged back into the room full of children, they sat down quietly as they watched the lamest clips on YouTube. The little 'angel' of a 'teacher' dragged you away and started playing husband and wife with kids so soft and furry. You try to escape by going back downstairs to bond with now the red cheeked so-called responsible adults(all were going to drive back), but the 'angel' followed anyway. And for a 5 year old, she could already pose in front the camera with her 'husband'. You finally escaped the house, escaping your 'wife' who you left with a frown on her face. Thankfully your dad could still drive back safely, as your mum could not walk in a straight line after all those glasses.

All in all, the day you feel was enjoyable seeing you spent it differently, able to bring some sort of joy to the people around you, and though there were many '..' today, you thought it was a day well spent. Especially the smiles of the younger ones as they used you as a punching bag, it oddly fills you inside. Apparently it is true, that happiness comes when you make others happy, that Christmas is about giving something, whether something of material or time and attention. Or to the first giving on Christmas day, the gift of the Son to humanity, the beginning of the journey where sin of men would be erased.

HOPE THAT A GREAT AND MEMORABLE CHRISTMAS WAS SPENT FOR ALL IN THEIR OWN SPECIAL WAY

Plain Random

2007-12-21T04:10:00.000-08:00

Life philosophies comes to mind during the oddest moments.

Directed into a room by a woman behind a mask, i looked around to see instruments that had been used on many others like me. Sitting down, the woman tied a piece of string around my neck, attached to it some kind of absorbent. Pictures on the wall drawn by children, stick figures holding hands with a dog beside them. Pictures of peoples with false smiles, next to each other supposedly one big happy family. Then at another corner, pictures of the sick, pictures of the diseased. Why would one put these pictures up? It seemed to be more suitable not to be shown to others, more for an individual who understands the importance of the pictures. Then, my seat lowered itself.

Staring up into a light, i heard voices in the next room. Laughter erupted, the sounds of the old exchanging comments in a language that seemed so familiar. Behind me, another masked woman joined the other, looking at me behind their masks, they started to giggle and whisper in a language that was foreign to me. I just sat there and waited, and waited, and waited...

i opened my eyes to see another woman with dangerous looking instruments in hand. Seconds later, 4 of the instruments entered my mouth. Avoiding the woman's eyes, i changed the view from there to the celling. And the question just came so suddenly, what am i going to with my life when we don't know the one answer to the meaning of life. Sitting there with sounds the instruments made ringing in my ear, i racked my brain for an answer. But try as i might, none came. I guess one reason is that i had things in my mouth. Another reason i guess would be these answer just come as unexpectedly as the questions itself. And the more we think about the question, the further we are from getting an answer. Although, again that may be wrong and the answer may only be found after years and years of research and funding with most probably lead to no where and waste valuable time and what not. So i think i will just sit and wait for a sign that will show what i need to do and from there just work on it. And by the way, sitting down and wait isn't a bad thing, you can use that time to venture into other areas of life.

As i finished thinking of all that, the woman was done with what she was doing. As the chair rose, i stared at the light, and just cleared my mind on that thought. Odd how a simple trip to the dentist can bring questions on life, i wonder why....

Greed's Tentacles

2007-12-20T03:13:00.000-08:00

Greed of men will lead to the downfall of others, and the end will see to his demise.

Tear rolls down the cheeks of a cub. Its mother hid it behind a bush when it heard footsteps. The memory so fresh in the mind of the cub, just minutes ago its mother got hunted down by poachers. The footsteps grew louder, then silence. With its ears pulled back, the bear waited for any signs of the poachers. The cub's eyes grew larger, then filled with tears as a second later a shot was fired from the rifle of the poacher, a Remington Model 7400, and the bullet just embedded itself into the skull of the bear. As it laid motionless, the cub could only watch as it's mother was dragged into the poachers jeep. The cub approached where it's mother once laid dead, now just a pool of blood. As it sat in the pool of blood, its fur changed a crimson red, it was only able to cry, with tear falling into the pool of what was left of its mother.

Greed. The desire to possess more than what we already have. And to many, not only the desire, but an action taken to possess what we constantly want. We covet what others have, the desire that is greed takes place, and the action which destroys finishes a life, man or beast. No one is spared from its hands, greed feeds its hunger with man's suffering, and recovers from thirst from the life of a beast. And greed is not easily destroyed. So tough to overcome by a resilient soul, so easily and quickly it finds another host, its parasitic tentacles wrapped so tightly around the neck of the host, slowly killing it.

Greed breads hatred. Hatred breads death. Greed is death.

The poor envy the rich and desires their life, the rich desires the life of the poor, the middle class desires what both rich and poor possess. See how no one is free from greed, though no action is taken to possess, the mere thought is enough to cause the downfall of many. We can not always see the weak as a victim of greed from the rich for the poor and the weak desire what others who are poor and weak possess. Such behavior comes from the young not only because of parents or the environment, but because we are born into a world with no escape, our brain is already programmed so that we fall and are influenced by such things, such sin.

Years passed and the cub grew, it started its own family. It returned to the spot where its mother was shot in the head, the pool of blood now replaced with a small ecosystem, plants and bugs living together in that area, though small, became such an importance to those living there. Greed can only evolve, not be eliminated.

Greed breads hatred, but those who overcome greed changes it to charity and charity becomes love.

Those who loves greed outnumber those who love charity. And greed is easier, as is destruction to charity as to building trust. Although i hardly believe now that greed is less powerful than charity, i do believe that once charity changes to love, even if greed changes to hatred and even death, love will be stronger than death. Humanity though, is weak, and the will for it to change greed to charity to even start with is weak. Try as we might, majority will chose greed over charity. We can only hope and persevere that those strong enough would influence others, and not be influence by those strong in greed.

A Misunderstanding

2007-12-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

Though we may want to escape following what others do, the perspective of absolutely not doing anything that may be similar to them is a trap many fall into.

We have either heard or learned that we should not follow some of the trends that this generation has to offer. May be taking drug, to what we wear to what we read or watch on television, with this thinking that has been implanted in our heads by some people that it is all wrong, we try to avoid, almost entirely what others do. This may not be wrong for some things, but one must understand, as humans we have different perspective on many thing and because of these, many wrongs are labeled right and right labeled wrong. And so even our perspective on things could, most probably be wrong.

For an example, fashion. Many are trying to avoid wearing clothes that are labeled too revealing or so. Some go to the extreme and just wear extremely loose fitting clothes. The thing is, its all base on perspective. Wear what you thing is comfortable to you, don't have it in your mind that wearing loose fitting is only right that by wearing loose clothes makes one uncomfortable. It does not matter what others think of what you wear. There are those ' lala's ' which we find in shopping mall who wear what they like, whether it may be hair or shoes. There is nothing wrong walking down a busy street wearing a robot suit. They are comfortable with it and they see no wrong, so they just do it. You can't avoid the stares, only ignore it. And even on drugs, with the idea that drugs are bad, some don't even take them at all when they are sick or when it had been prescribed by a doctor. Drugs are not wrong unless misused, and many mix this up.

So it all depends to the perspective of the person, whether to follows his/her own or follow the worlds, because we will not know what is right or wrong in many areas. The important thing is that when following the choice we chose, we need to take into consideration the choice we didn't take and look at both of them before making a decision on which is we think is right. And we need to know that the decision we made need not be final, that we can change it according to the situation that comes.

This was written based on my perspective which i think is right in saying what is going on in our world today. Although, if this sounds wrong to another, please still take this into consideration. Be open and flexible to everything, and life would be smoother.

Attention Seeker

2007-12-19T22:02:00.000-08:00

Attention can be seen as a drug to some, given a little and you crave for more. Once you are hooked, you do what you can to get more, whatever pain you may put somebody in.

A harmless child. That was what i thought of him. A typical child, just want to enjoy his time spent with other, running around in the school field or just hang out and do nothing. That was such a long time ago. But he started to grow up, and once a person grow up, less attention is given to him.
His mind grew, and he discovered what importance attention was to him.
His mind grew, and he observed how others attained attention from others.
His mind grew, and he schemed how he would be able to get the attention he needed.
He tested it out, his ideas on people. And as normal, the plans of a child is bound to fall at some point, only his fell faster. But he quickly got up, try different approaches to the problem. He quickly understood what he needed to do, he started to humiliate himself.

Attention to those desperate need not be positive. To them, just being known at whatever the cost and whatever the consequences, is all that matters. This child transformed, everyone could see he had changed no matter how well he try to hide it. He tried public humiliation, and that gave him the most pleasure. It satisfied his hunger, and he continued. And then when he matured, he already sold his life. His entire life because just an act. He was a pretender, how he presented himself, body movement and his actions, all an act. Those who knew just felt pity, until like a drug addict, wanted to find some other drug to give him a different thrill. The pity changed to despise and almost hatred.

From public humiliation, he changed to hurting others. His approach was smart, never physically, always mentally, and on those who he knew would never harm or hurt him him. Although one stood up to him, he continued to prey on those who were kinder. To some, he targeted more tightly. Much tears were shed, much harsh words were exchanged and many thoughts towards this person became horribly negative. Yet this was what he wanted, attention, so he continued.

For years, he intelligently avoided conflict with those who could hurt him.
Not anymore shall he do so, or at least not peacefully
He may get the attention he wants from this person who tells it to his face. But its well worth it, if by giving attention he will stop, then giving attention it will be. He hurts others with words, he will experience what he had put his victims through the years. Fight fire with fire. And so a person who craves attention can only be stopped by giving attention.

May he not break from the words to be spoken.

Mixed Comments

2007-12-16T04:45:00.000-08:00

Lies that are repeated will not make something true but will lead the rest of the people to repeat the lies as if it was true to give the impression that it is so.

A day so many waited for,
a day so many yearned to come,
a day so many thought dreams will come.
With all these thoughts in mind, these people could not wait to finally experience what in their mind would be wonderful. This was the problem, it was such a lie. What others experience, what others went through, all the supposedly wonderful memories collected, a basket full of lies. When they did not experience these things they heard from others, to avoid the humiliation and being looked at as someone hopeless, they then lie about what they been through. This cycle repeats itself over and over and over again till majority believe these lies, and they hope they will go through these stories they heard. Giving false impressions, they lead these people to nothing. These people believe they would see a diamond, all they got was a stone. They then change the stone into a false diamond, a it continues.

The journey to this place was a battle itself. The first part was smooth sailing, we thought, and hoped the rest would be too. Then as we headed to our destination, large structures could be seen from afar that emerged out from the ground, and that was when the sea of these creations of frustration flooded our view from everything else. The red lights on these creation of man grew ever so brighter after it had seen the more intimidating red light. Man's frustration increased and so did our. The battle continued for such a long time we thought of just giving up. At long last, the building where it all should take place was seen. Hearts rejoice, but still the wait was long.

Finally,as we opened the doors of the building, we were impressed with what we saw. The place was so well decorated with dozens of christmas trees and hanging ornaments everywhere. The lights shone, illuminating every dark corner. Fountains were seen shooting out from the ground and a magnificent chandelier hung from the celling. All these though, could not cover the greetings of false smiles. As we climbed the stairs, the sounds of a children's choir made the mood so calm and peaceful. People gathered, dressed to impress, to kill, and yet we all looked like replicas, thought trying to outdo each other.

We were subjected to such an excruciatingly long wait, a number of us half starving, majority of us hoping that the stories were still true. The wait grew longer and longer, the sound of hungry people grew louder, yet, the doors to the next room would did not open. Flashes overwhelmed the area for a long time, then, the doors opened. With looks of relief, people started to approach the room. Marked just like cattle, we were lead into the room, where we were greeted with more flashes. Directed to out own areas, we sat down with anticipating hearts of what would come.

The lights went off. When it came on again, our eardrums were being tortured with such noise it seemed unbearable. One by one, more appeared. Then from behind was heard the voice of a banshee. It walked closer, with ear piercing noises coming from its large mouth. A few people clapped, either because they are deaf or just polite. It just continued, and the only thing that made me go on was the thought of food arriving. But disappointment hit me hard. The food served was not horrible, although below expectation. People ate and gave more than deserving comments on the food. The banshee left and was, thankfully, replaced with someone who could sing well, though many said there was a wrong choice of song. When he left, another group consisting of apparently deaf performers started dancing without following the rhythm. Flashy moves could not cover up their deafness towards music. Now hesitating, less people clapped until asked to do so. Disappointing moments...

It was then time to crown the new king and queen, through a process so carefully hidden away from the people. The candidates were named, and odd facial expressions were shown, although some were predictable. The process of crowning the new king and queen was a long and tedious process, and the last test they had to sit through was degrading and insulting. Many stared at the acts of the king and queen, most of them out of curiosity. Only a hand few looked away from the shame and humiliation befalling on the heads of the king and queen. The queen crowned was expected, but the new king was a surprise to all. The people cheered and clapped, some giving confused looks.

Then it was the part many dread. It was something to look forward to for few, but for others, it was a lonely moment, surrounded by sad comments and sympathy. As the people approached the place of the king and queen, eyes of curiosity followed the few who were on the floor. Many just wished that they could take the place of those there. Then, the noise started to become louder and louder, soon eardrums were being punished to a point of tearing apart and the heart was beating harder and the body was somewhat at resonance with the noise. Shouts abrupt, as people got in the middle of the floor challenging one challenger after another. The battle was long and heated, with people taking the normal humiliation with pride. The court jester, as usual, made a fool of himself, and laughter erupted from every corner of the room. The chaos was enjoyed by many, but those with right minds left the room early to protect their sanity.

And yet with all these disappointment that many faced, it was still a very memorable night for some. These few experienced and went through events that will be remembered throughout their life. To some, they would say they actually enjoyed it, which they actually did. To others, they would repeat the same cycle again, lies will come from their mouth. And to few, these people wont share about the main event, for it was such a let down and a disappointment that they forgot about it, but they would tell about the other events they went through, which is truly more memorable than what was planned by others because it was these people themselves who took the depressing event and changed it into a fairytale which would be remembered by them until death.

The Initial

2007-12-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.

What is a 1st post? A person is judged from their 1st impression, whether it may be at school or at work. So, is that how one would judge a post on a blog? A blog grows with its creator, it matures over time, with the experiences received and events that the creator goes through. The punishment that the creator receives serves as a lesson, transfered into writing, for the world to know his mistake, acts as public humiliation so he will not repeat it again. One can learn so much of a person through a blog, so many hide their thoughts, as a means of privacy. What then does one want to tell the world through his blog if not his thoughts? A blog is a piece of art, improve on it, for it is to shows and expresses what one feels.

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.

A baby is born. As it starts to opens its eyes to the world it now lives in, the baby finds a pairs of eyes belonging to a hypocrite, its mother. The doctor who seen through the birth of the child, smiled at the mother, another hypocrite. Surrounding by hypocrites, what chance does this child have to not turn into one? A community dispises and insults someone when he admits to being a hypocrite, so that the entire community is protected from being called so. They are on him like a pack of wolves, eyes filled with the murder, attacking and ripping the ones who tells the truth, for doing what is right, for saving his soul. Who then would admit to being a hypocrite, who would change a hypocrite, who would change himself who is a hypocrite, upon seeing their images being destroyed by the mere thought of change. No man can escape hypocrisy, whether it may be from others or himself. We were fated to meet its charm from the day we opened our eyes. As a baby who desires its mothers attention, so does man towards hypocrisy. What we can do is either join the pack of wolves or change, admitting to being one, and just be steadfast to the thought of change and not cave when the wolves approach...